Saturday, December 18, 2010

One Reason To Not Get A Dog

I offer for your consideration one possible reason not to get a dog. . . just in case you're thinking of stuffing a puppy into someone's Christmas stocking this year. It's quite possible that the adorable little girl puppy that you have fallen in love with and taken into your domicile – the one you allow to give you cute puppy kisses on the face and lick the bowl after you've eaten something yummy – that aforementioned cute little puppy will have a nasty habit. She might secretly snack on things in your backyard. Things that cute little puppies should not snack on – namely poopsicles. {and yes, i mean poop}

And if she might snack on poopsicles it's quite possible that she will then have a tummy ache. This tummy ache could lead to some intestinal distress which could lead to a little episode of vomiting. This vomiting has the potential to be of the projectile variety and there's a good chance that it could end up all over the arm of your only beige chair, all down the wall, splattering on the curtains and becoming a big, liquidy puddle on your hardwood floor.

And cleaning up liquid vomit-shit is quite possibly the most disgusting thing you will ever do.

And you will want to bathe in Lysol. And gargle with Listerine every time she comes near your face with her tongue hanging out, breathing her foul breath on you.

And you will wonder why e-coli only kills humans and not dogs.

Not that I know anything about such things on a personal level you understand. Just conjecture about why you might not want to get a cute little puppy this Christmas. . .

Does anyone want Delilah? {affectionately renamed "Poop Breath" in these parts. . .}


Ami said...

In a cursory google search, I found out that there are definitely ways to stop this behavior.

But my goodness she's a cute puppy... can you send her via UPS?

I probably shouldn't say that, since you have my actual address.


Lynda said...

But Mama you can't give me away.... Look into those eyes, you couldn't give her away... Buy her some puppy mints for Christmas.