It's a new season of outdoor activities – gardening, grilling, cookouts and killings. It's a new season of scorekeeping as well. Last night, the games began.
Although we are getting to be semi-professional squirrel body disposers, I have an idea that I believe could revolutionize the small mammal mortuary business. After each "incident" we get Oliver in the house without his quarry and Ali and I go to the scene armed with plastic bags and a shovel. Because the body is still "pliable" it's difficult to scoop it up on the shovel. We end up just pushing it around the yard – with Ali crying and me uttering obscenities like a sailor. The longer we roll the body around without actually being successful at scooping it up the more displeased I become.
Every time we repeat this little sequence of events I think there must be a better way. . .one that doesn't actually involve having to touch the body (which is normally missing the head.)
And then, like the proverbial lightbulb over my head. . .it came to me this morning.
What we need is an extra large, squirrel-sized, heavy duty, small mammal, super-duper-scooper! No muss, no fuss. Snip-Snap and you're done!Anybody want in on the action with me?? It's a guaranteed success! I'll buy two!
tap. . .tap. . .tap. . .
Hello? This thing on?
Maybe while we're at it we should design a proper body bag. Plastic bags under the honeysuckle arbor just look so tacky. . .
3 comments:
Don't be a weenie.
Put on some disposable vinyl gloves and toss the stupid things in the garbage.
You could get creative, too.
Design some sort of game... Squirrel tossing would be good... and the smaller the target, the more points you'd get.
You could totally put the squirrel in the freezer after and use it again later.
You could have like a whole collection of them.
I'll stop now.
You're welcome.
OH you girls. You crack me up. I bet we could fabricate a scooper for you. Tina suggested a construction grade trash bag. Black and heavy. That I know I can do for you, I have some in the shed. Just cut it down to the size you need and glue it together. My money is on Ollie, my helper boy. We will have to get together and see what we can come up with.
Ami - I've also thought of opening a squirrel menu themed restaurant!! ;)
Lynda - if there's anyone who could fabricate a device I KNOW it would be you!! Your helper boy is killin' me here!
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