Cool, Calm and Collected

Everyone needs someone in their life who is unflappable in a crisis.

Scott came strolling up the driveway at nine last night, looking like he was dropping in to say hi. In reality he was walking into a mess.

:: The pipes in the crawl space by the back patio had frozen. Again. In attempting to warm them slowly, they broke. Water was gushing, spewing and belching everywhere. The temperature in the crawlspace was about 6 degrees and we couldn't find the shut-off valve.

:: Ali and I weren't speaking to each other.

:: Ali's stepdad, Ray, had gone into the crawlspace inside the house, under the stairs in search of the elusive shut-off valve and the huge trapdoor had fallen directly onto the top of his head. When asked if he was OK his answer was a groggy, "Uhhh. No."

:: Izzy had also gone through the inside trapdoor and into the bowels of the house. She had secreted herself into a corner where reaching her was impossible. My thought was just to leave her there – she wouldn't stink until spring, but since Ali and I weren't speaking, discussion of my plan wasn't possible. So Ray, still befuddled from his blow to the head, was waving a blue cat toy at her, and from above the hardwood flooring in the office I could hear him saying, "Here Izzy, Izzy. . ."

:: Having no earthly idea how I could help the situation, I did the only thing I know to do in crisis situations – I continuously mopped and wiped the mud that was being tracked though the house. I know, I know. . .I'm incredibly gifted that way.

This is the mess that Scott walked into. He wordlessly surveyed the situation and immediately went to the patio and scootched himself under the house. He asked for pliers and I brought him the meager assortment of tools we have. The next sound I heard from him was laughter.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" I demanded to know.

"It's just a little water and some copper pipe. Quit your crying!"

(For the record, I wasn't crying but it was definitely on the radar of impending emotional responses.)

"But Scott. . . I don't have any money!!"

"It's just a little water, some copper pipe and I've got money."

Everybody needs someone in their life who is unflappable in a crisis.