Sunday, May 01, 2011

Good Enough

Several things happened this week that reminded me that I'm not really good enough at anything.

I'm OK at a few things.

I'm acceptable. I will do in a pinch. I'm marginal, borderline, average, fair-to-middling, moderate and so-so.

I'm tolerable.

But I'm not good.

And these are voices that I've heard and wrestled my whole life. These are the voices that simply have to mouth the words and I will lip read them from miles away and fold like a house of cards. When I heard "thanks, but no thanks" this week my instinct was to become the cartoon turtle in Bugs Bunny, flying into my shell, battening down the hatches and raising the white flag of surrender.

And I'm still struggling. My words, my photos, my creativity, my thoughts, my offerings will never be the best mostly because there will only ever be one best. There will always be someone who is better than me. My challenge is to learn to keep going anyway. My challenge is to not listen to the voices who tell me to quit. To disappear. To avoid.

And so I will. And I will look at what I was not asked to do and I will not judge it. I will not think I could have done it better. And I will try not feel less than any more.

Because isn't that the point of creativity in the first place? It's mine, and it will just have to be good enough.

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