Two Wheeler

{Great Crossing Elementary School • Mrs. House's Fifth Grade Class • 1975}*

Looking at my ten-year-old-self in this photograph makes me feel a little reflective. She is the tallest girl in the back row – she was always the tallest girl and always in the back row. I search her face for the signs of discomfort but find an openness I don't remember possessing.

Her favorite three-season activity in that tenth year was riding her bike. It was a red two-wheeler with a banana seat and white streamers that danced from the handlebars in the afternoon breeze. She was unobstructed and self-determined on that bicycle. Nothing mattered but the capability of her legs and the driveway in front of her.

It was a bike with coaster brakes. If she went too fast she could only engage the brakes by pushing the pedals backwards. There was a trick to it however. Reversing the pedals too quickly had the unfortunate consequence of making the back end skid sideways. Occasionally, her stops were more violent than they needed to be. She got more than a few pieces of gravel that had to picked out of her knees from attempting to slam that bike to a stop with a little too much force.

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Thirty-five years later I know so much more about life and about bicycles. Revelations. Realizations. Determinations. One thing I've learned is this: Life speeds up as I grow older, but my body has begun to slow down.

A hard lesson.

I want more. More time. More energy. I want to stay outside and play until dark and not come in until someone calls my name. I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I just want a new bicycle. One without training wheels. One that lets me careen downhill with the wind streaming through my hair. One that lets me coast in front of my house with arms raised over my head as though I could balance that way forever.

I know I cannot pedal backwards and see the things that I've missed. I learned long ago that trying to stop forward momentum can easily lead to scars.

But I want the energy to pay attention. To appreciate life while I still have the strength to pedal.

* I snagged this photo from Facebook where someone in my class in 5th grade had posted it. I hadn't seen this picture in years.