Genesis 32 :: A Meditation

Jacob was alone and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When he saw that he couldn't get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob's hip out of joint.

you don't play fair.
i gave you six years of my life. full-time years. i gave you the very best i had and all you did was laugh and watch me bleed. alone.

The man said, "Let me go, it's daybreak."
Jacob said, "I'm not letting you go until you bless me."
The man said, "What's your name?"
He answered, "Jacob."
The man said, "Not anymore. From now on your name is Israel (God-Wrestler); you've wrestled with God and you've come through."

you badger and torment. hound and nag – asking, seeking, wanting.

more. more. more.

here's my answer – i can't. i'm scared. i want to. but i don't trust you anymore.
push, pull. yes, no.
a struggling, stumbling battle that leads to exhaustion.

Jacob asked, "And what's your name?"
"Why do you want to know my name?" And then, right then and there, he blessed him.

here's what i have to say to you –
MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN OR LEAVE ME ALONE.

emptiness slowly reshapes itself into surrender
like smooth stones in a forgotten, overgrown creek.

Jacob named the place Penniel (God's Face) because, he said, "I saw God's face to face and lived." The sun came up as Jacob left Penniel, limping because of his hip.

i put my hands over my face as i sit in the truck.
'do you know what you're saying?' my companion asks.
i nod.

strip me. burn me. refine me.

here am i lord.
send me.

*all Scriptures are from The Message, a Bible paraphrase by Eugene H. Peterson