I set a few goals that were vitality related and as March begins I want to check in with myself and be publicly accountable by writing about the successes as well as the continuing struggles.My first goal was to walk at least 30 minutes a day. That was my low-end goal. The high-end goal was to walk 10,000 or more steps each day. By setting two goals, both of them pushing my out of my comfort zone, I gave myself twice as many opportunities for success. To measure my progress, I got the world's coolest pedometer (it works in your pocket, resets itself at midnight automatically and keeps track of steps as well as distance!) and 10,000 steps is a bit more than 5 miles a day. (An aside – with a desk job, I can't make 10,000 steps a day if I don't walk for at least 45 minutes at a pretty quick clip in the morning before work.)
I'm happy to report that as of the beginning of March I've met or exceeded my goals at least 5 days each week since the beginning of the year! {Happy Dance!} I've walked more than a half a million steps in the last 61 days!
Intentionally, my vitality goals for the year have absolutely nothing to do with weight. They are all about my internal desires to be healthy, active and energetic. If weight loss comes, it comes. But I'm trying really hard not to allow it to be my focus.
That's a big step for me. I have a pretty distorted body image and it's a struggle not to focus on what I think I see in the mirror. When Ali and I are in public I often pick out someone who I see who has a weight problem, who I think is nearly my size. I nudge Al and ask,"Am I as big as she is?" What I think I see in myself is almost never what others see about me. People who have never struggled with their weight don't realize this but most of us who do struggle with this issue know more about dieting and calories and exercise regimes than anyone. So when someone says to us, "All you have to do is eat less and move more," it isn't all that helpful. Those of us who struggle with food don't need a better book, a how-to manual or yet another piece of exercise equipment. We know what to do. We just don't do it.
And speaking for myself, I can tell you that my weight problem is not going to be solved by another diet. My weight issue is between my ears. I have to work on me, the inside-me, for the outside-me to fall in line. Hence, vitality – not another diet.
Maybe I'm on a soapbox, but it needs to be said. Everybody has at least one issue they struggle with. One thing in their life that brings shame and feelings of humiliation. It might be compulsive shopping, terrible money management, dating people who make you feel bad about yourself or substance abuse. Whatever it is, that problem you have – that's what it's like for someone with a weight issue. It's an issue, just one that everyone can see.
So, I'm on kind of a roll and I'm proud of myself. I have absolutely no idea if I've lost weight. I don't ever weigh myself. Again, it's not the point. I know something inside me is changing though. This morning I overslept. I gave myself permission to take the day off from walking before I even got out of bed. I decided to spend the time before work vacuuming the house since we have Bible study tonight. But before I knew it, I found myself walking around the BFR track and telling myself that the Bible study folks wouldn't even notice a little bit of dog hair on the floor! I didn't want to exercise, I gave myself permission not to but something in me did it anyway. I've never experienced that before.
I still struggle with food. It's my next area of vitality concentration and attitude change. No doubt it won't come easily either. We're eating more vegetarian and I'm working on eating less. But there are miles to go. No doubt I will stumble, but at least for today – There is progress. It's good. And March is moving forward!
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