Drifting

Ali is in Florida for five days with her family. I wasn't able to go because I only get five vacation days a year and I really hate to use them up in February. That's really the only complaint I have about the place I work. No matter how long you work there it's Just. Five. Days. I'm the only person I know who gets that little vacation.

Anyhow, that leaves me in Ohio feeling adrift: (adj.) lost, off course; disoriented, confused, at sea; drifting, rootless, unsettled, directionless, aimless, purposeless, without purpose.

It's not that I don't enjoy being alone or that being alone makes me uncomfortable. I think the unsettled sensation comes from the sudden separation. There is a certain rhythm that comes with living and sharing a life with someone. There is a particular energy that comes simply from sharing a life and when it's suddenly quiet things can feel a little dim. 

This morning I'm kind of feeling like the electricity has gone out and I'm kind of bumping around in the dark, wondering what to do.

I have a list of things that I want to do while she is gone. They are all loosely related to the concept of taking care of myself for a few days. There are things like, "Cook and eat all the spicy, garlicky foods you like," since Ali doesn't like those kinds of foods; "Sew a skirt," since when we're both home we tend to do things together and I don't make it upstairs to the sewing machine that regularly; and "Go to church." Kind of a silly list, but it helps me stay focused when I'm feeling a little unmoored.

Usually when I'm alone and dinner time approaches I start a litany of excuses as to why I'm not going to go to all the trouble of cooking something just for me. "It's not worth all the trouble," I'll say to myself. "Who wants to do all those dishes just for one person?" Finally I tell myself to just eat a bowl of cereal and be done with it.

Not last night! Last night I made Curried Pork Noodles. They were amazing. I thought they needed a little more heat – some Asian chili sauce perhaps – but I didn't have any. I may have to go get some today because the left-overs are slated for my lunch plate!

Perhaps I'll make my way to the sewing machine today. I think there's a nap in my future as well. I'm looking forward to a slow Sunday with the boys.