Stop Shooting the Wounded

Last Sunday afternoon at the Y I ran into someone who used to come to the church I pastored. She was pretty active for about six months or so. I knew that she found our little space because she was deeply wounded and needed a place to heal. She told me at the time that she wouldn't be there forever but that she had gifts she needed and wanted to use. We could offer her the time and space she needed. True to her prediction, she was ready to move on a few months later. I kind of lost track of her.

As we chatted for a few minutes last week she apologized. She already knew about Open Door and its foolishness. She had heard how they had lost their way and that they were just a "smoke and mirrors" image of what they were called to be. She asked if I had found a new spiritual home. "No," I said, "I really poured my heart and soul and everything I had into that place and I'm just not ready to try to find something that I'm not sure exists." She agreed. Then she added, "I just want to say that I'm sorry that we're all part of an institution that shoots its wounded instead of helping them heal." 

Most of this week I thought about that conversation.

Then on Friday night I got a letter in the mail (real mail. . .in an envelope and everything!) from my Aunt Nancy. It was the kind of letter that you only receive a few times in your life and almost always at a time you really, really need it. It was full of kindness and encouragement and the kind of positive things that people really need to say to each other a lot more often. Tucked in with the letter was a newspaper article she had cut out. It was entitled, "Location Provides Peaceful Place for Preachers" and was about a local man who had built a free vacation cabin for preachers and their families to use. She asked me to pay particular attention to the statistics cited in the article.

• 1,500 pastors leave their churches every month due to spiritual burnout, moral failure or contention in their churches.

• 80% of seminary graduates leave the ministry within the first five years.

• 70% of pastors suffer from depression - most do not deal with it.

• 50% of pastor's marriages will end in divorce.

• 80% of pastor's spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.

• The majority of pastor's spouses said that the most destructive event that had ever happened in their marriage or their family's life was the day their spouse entered the ministry.

It was kind of a relief for me to read those statistics. I think it meant that what I knew in my heart was actually true – I was depressed. I was alone. I wasn't prepared. It was hard. And, maybe most importantly – I did the best I could do at the time.

If you read this and go to church - tell your pastor that you appreciate them. You may not agree with everything they say or do. You might think they only work on Sunday or that they just work at the church for the money (there were those who said those things to me!). No matter what you think, give them a little encouragement. It goes a long way.

If you read this and don't go to church I can't say that I blame you. I don't really want to be a part of an institution that shoots its wounded any more either.