Body Battles

I've been having issues with body image lately. What woman doesn't?

So, I'm trying to eat better. And at least walk the dog. . .probably more for his sake and the sake of the furniture he's been chewing when he's bored than for myself. But hey, whatever works right?

Then I did a dumb thing.

I went online trying to figure out some kind of weight loss shortcut. Yeah, I know. . .there is no such thing. . .but the lure of a miracle is just too much to pass up sometimes isn't it?? After all, if simply OWNING exercise equipment did the trick I would weigh about 34 pounds at this point in my life.

All the "beauty magazines" tell you that the simplest way to appear thinner is to wear the right kind of clothes for your body type. Of course! Now there's a shortcut I can love!

It's not as simple to figure out your body type one might think. I went to site after site and learned that there are four bodies that women come in. (That's all??? FOUR types???)

First up is the hourglass:


Hourglass: "Women with an hourglass shape are often envied by all of their friends. This is because hourglasses have well-proportioned upper and lower bodies, with a distinctively narrow waist. However, if you are an hourglass, you may find that you tend to gain weight all over your body, particularly in your hips and chest area."

This is most certainly not me. . .

The next one is even less descriptive of me.


Ruler: "Women with a ruler shape tend to be waif-like and slim. Rulers have no large differences between the size of their hips, waists, and shoulders. Rulers tend to put on weight in their stomach and backside, while maintaining slender arms and legs."

Ever seen a ruler with big boobs??? Me either!

Forging ahead – perhaps I'm a pear.


Pear: "Pear-shaped women tend to have larger lower bodies and smaller upper bodies. If you are a pear, you will find that your hips are slightly wider than your shoulders and that you tend to gain weight below your waist. Pears usually have small chests and flat stomachs."

That is so not me it made me laugh! Small chest. . .flat stomach. . .

Apple anyone?


Apple: "Apples are generally bigger on the top half of their bodies than on the bottom half. They commonly have slim hips and a large chest and stomach. Apples tend to gain weight above the waist or along the backside."

We're getting closer but I still don't see myself in that description.

I would like to propose that there is yet a FIFTH body type out there. Undiscovered by personal trainers and fashion gurus, I have found the perfect image of my body and perhaps millions of other women over forty. Ladies and gentlemen I present to you:


The SWEET POTATO!

Let the marketing begin. . .