Ali has a new hobby. She's really getting into geneology. In the evenings she's hunched over the computer with her books and notebooks spread all over the couch. For the most part it's a pretty quiet new pastime. Occasionally she'll scare the crap out of me by yelling something like, "According to his World War 1 draft registration card, my great-great grampa was stout! But he had all his fingers!"
There is just no end to what you can find out about folks these days. . .
It got me thinkin. There were always some secrets in my house when I was a kid. Like, why my parents didn't EVER celebrate their anniversary. When asked, they would be very vague and then change the subject. Once, when I was in high school I looked my father in the eye and flat out asked if my mother was pregnant with me when they got married. He looked straight at me and said no.
I didn't believe him.
So I asked his brother. My uncle Greg said that they eloped and got married in Tennessee. And yes, I was there.
My aunt Sharon is also very much into geneology. She said that she had asked my parents the same question and had gotten two different answers – that they were either married in September of 1963 or 64. I was born in March of 1965.
So, my question is this – If Ali can find out which relatives had all their digits, should I try and find my parents official marriage license? Or should I leave well enough alone? Leave me a a comment with your thoughts!
3 comments:
The same situation happened with my grandparents (the ones you met) and my oldest aunt. Being that my grandfather was a minister (just like your father) it is easier to live the lie in order to not look bad in the eyes of the parishoners.
My grandmother and I are extremely close, and if I were to EVER bring it up, even hell wouldn't know her fury.
Let it be.
Hmmm Kinda torn what to say. I somewhat agree with Andrew to let it be but at the same time secrets can cause some hurt. I pretty much knew all my life that both my parents had been married before, but I didn’t learn until my mid 30’s that I actually had a half sister! The sad part was that she lived right in our small community and I knew who she was but never knew she was my sister. I was told that she never would know that my dad was her dad and that was the way they wanted it left. It hurt cause I felt deprived of getting to know her as part of my family. Both her mom and the “dad” that raised her have long passed away. When the day comes that my dad passes away I will be torn as to whether to honor his wishes of keeping the secret or telling her then. Guess I probably didn’t help you much!
I suppose what i can say is that I am not in favor of secrets and as their child I feel you have the right to know.
You know my opinion. This is part of YOUR history and you have the right to know. As a genealogist I want to know all the basic dates and places for events in my ancestors lives - birth, marriage, (even divorce), death and final resting place. If you don't publish the information anywhere it doesn't hurt them.
If you ever wanted to join a Heraldry organization you would need to have your parents marriage registration for your lineage.
To Jesse, We helped to find a cousin given up for adoption after his birth mother's death. She never wanted her other kids to know about him but I thought they had the right to know that they had a brother out there somewhere. They were initially shocked but later, thrilled to meet him and all have a good relationship.
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